My dear on-edge,
Here we go again, the heart-rending incidents due to your spouse’s recent fling. I am deeply sorry to hear that you have been through hell and hurt by immoral episode again. I am as surprised and shocked as you are and honestly believe that you don’t deserve to live like that especially in this time of the year. I don’t know what went wrong between you two, as he always seems to have a deep loving bond with you. Hormone? May be he has lost happy memories, lost sight of you in his life for a moment or worst forever. What I do know is you have also made a petit mistake, which is apparently, your trust. You are naïve enough to believe with whatever he says, “oh, she is just a friend”, “I am just working late”, etc. To tell you the truth, there is an obvious reason if he spends so much time with his blackberry messenger or put his phones in silent mode and secretly checking his phones when he is at home: he doesn’t want you to know who is calling or who is sending flirtatious messages or vice versa. Believe me, if she is really a “friend”, eventually, you have got to meet her and spend time with her like you occasionally meet with his colleagues, bosses, high school friends, even his ex-girlfriends, etc. In your case, you know only her name, Ms.Obnuan (the name is so-called my pure fiction and if you happen to have the same name, please don't bother to search on the net as she conveniently deleted her facebook account and google plus page) a.k.a Ms. Home-wrecker, and your spouse says he can’t introduce you two, and you did accept his terms. I am sorry to say the truth: you are just a fool and he is such a great manipulator/abuser/narcissist!!!! I remembered you complaining about his sudden need of privacy a few months ago: telling you not to ask “who is who” in his facebook page and unintentionally pressuring you to de-friend him, giving him “alone time” with his laptop in closed room, accusing you of snooping into his private life, and asking you more space due to stress at work. You did figure out something was up that time and he promised not to do it again. I know, until now, you are still hurt for his sudden change of attitude. You were right though; as you found the evidence that he was exchanging flirty messages with someone and he was defensive, rude, said nasty things and really mad at you for your discovery. He did threaten to move to the next level, right? Why am I not surprised? He was looking for any excuses to justify his disloyal manners. Now I totally got why you hated chat rooms, facebook pages, blackberry messegers, iPhone messages, secret email accounts (let’s say, ko_ko something) as you have indirectly betrayed by those so-called modern communication systems. What a shame for a guy who did everything right in his life, once obsessed with you, literally threatened you to marry him and all of a sudden, he was chasing a new girl. Can't he see the fact that he was being targeted?
Let me change the subject for a while, if it is ok with you. Last time in this post, I asked you to write a blog and you were not interested: most of your times were so invested in him. If you did decide to become a blogger, one sweet little sis will tag you with the following questions. However, I don’t dare to ask you how was your Christmas, were you excited about the holidays, as I knew how stressful you were and not in the mood to even look at the celebrating girls without thinking about how you have hurt by both someone you love, respect, and someone you only know the name. No wonder you felt betrayed by them and it is hard enough to restore your trust to everyone and overcome resentment. I know that you will eventually forgive him or (already forgiven?) but you couldn’t forget about those betrayals and being haunted 24/7. I know that answer about the Holidays decorations, as you usually don’t decorate anything for Christmas or New Year because you love Thingyan more than any other festivals and can’t relate those festivals to your life. By the way, do you miss the snow? Remember the time you were in Paris, your classmate called you to let you know that it was snowing. You gazed them through your window, sat in front of your laptop, excited at first and terribly missed your then-boyfriend-now-husband later. You were sad and decided to wander the streets of Paris, crying, and believing that there was no way you could spend those moments alone and a few days later, you flew back here just to be with him. If you really have a choice, where do you want to celebrate Christmas? Snowy places or anywhere away from this city of angels (or demons)? I guess you would rather wander in snowstorm, no matter how cold you are, how frosty your nose, you would walk straight and leave this deceptive world behind. As far as I know, you don’t travel much in Christmas or New Year, since you often have someone from your family or your hubby’s family to stay and visit this time of year. Instead of pure joy, I assumed you faked smiles, sugarcoated all your pain in front of your acquaintances, family, and friends. I can’t express how sad I am for you to get through this and barely have someone who could shoulder your pain, your sadness, your hatred, etc. Do you ever exchange gifts? I am not giving you a surprised look if you say “no”. Forgive me for asking you this: What would be the most memorable Christmas ever? What? The time you spent your first Christmas with your mom at YWCA? What is so special about it? Ok, I am happy to see a glimpse of smile on your sad, worried, depressed face when you told me why: You got to eat a lot of candies, and delicious food (including your first sticky rice with coconut cream), watched the play, listened to the music, and had a chance to understand why Christmas matters to families. Hey, what about New Year’s Eve? Anything memorable? Seriously? With your hubby? 8 years ago? You both were very tight on budget, having 15 Bahts meal for dinner, an omelet with rice to be precise, to celebrate the countdown? Here comes another question, is there any special places that you are looking forward to start to New Year? Anywhere but here? I am sure you are being honest and I am glad that you still can’t even tell white lies. What about New Year Resolution? Resolutions? No, no, no, please don’t do that, it is not worth it to commit a suicide for what is happening around you. I am begging you to think positively. You are still young, educated, not-bad-looking, kind-hearted and giving up your whole life for nothing is not a way out. Think of your family who loves you, your friends who care for you, your acquaintances who pray for you, ok? You have lost someone you trusted, loved for an amoral girl and please don’t let all of us suffer by taking your life. You wish you could go back to the time you have been loved, and respected. Consumed by your misery and emotional distress, you did not send any e-cards or postcards this year and I don’t blame you. Do you have anything to say? What? Happy New Year? Ha, ha, ha, two thumbs up for your attitude, you still manage to wish that to me and to all my friends from blogosphere, (I hope they still read).
If you are still reading this, thank you for your patience. Well, I am not finished yet actually. I would like to express my feelings too. What about the dream of growing old together? What about loving memories? You two have lived, laughed, and shared the pain together, trying to lead a normal life, to live happily ever after and someone with no values could turn your life upside down. It seems so unfair, and this is the sick world you live in. I believe you have lost him as your beloved husband, and if you could, please let him go or leave him. If he really loved you, respected you as his partner in life, as his wife, he wouldn’t even think of doing something that hurts you deeply. I could think of two things in this moment, “disappointed” and “Gas the Bitch”, forgive my French, I can’t really help it though. Is he really thick to be tempted, possessed by the idea of doing something really not healthy for your marriage? A small little step that can change everything, can destroy easily the world built by hearts, sweats, blood and reality becomes fakes and fake seems to be real. No matter how hard you begged him and, sometimes showed your strong disapproval for those kinds of things, he always thought of you as the major obstacle in his fantasy world and couldn’t treat you as his loving wife. You love all his perfections and imperfections but look where you are right now, does he really worth all of your love, loyalty, respect, admiration, commitment? Admit it, you have become a shade in his life and you are not good enough and not understandable enough in the past. Do you still want to take a leap of faith? Do you think that he will turn over a new leaf? Do you think you can trust those persons who won’t hesitate to be gig with anyone (married or un-married ones) and make your husband think he is their prince charming? I am still shocked to know how easily he could forget about your love and the life you both started. Why can’t he see the fact that no decent girl will even think twice of chasing a married guy? The ugly truth is, he fell for it!!!!! Unless, of course, he has lost part of his brain and the whole heart for you. Generally, those girls target older guys to sponsor for their materialistic desires even though they have their own boy friend. I seriously think one should improve their moral character and to my knowledge, no religion encourages infidelity. Don’t try to look for answers such as why and how could they both committed a moral crime: because they can and the answer is as simple as that. I pity you because you have to restrain yourself for hurting yourself and facing her in person because you want your husband’s reputation is still intact. You should become a politician, taking a fall for your husband’s actions. Are you that stupidly in love with him? Can’t you see that he has gone already? He should take responsibility; make it up to you for his actions. Given your love, respect towards him, I simply wish you could recover and begin the healing process soon. I am hoping that he is now remorseful and see how unhappy you are, and take responsibilities of his wrongdoing too. Keep in touch and again so sorry to know that you are in complete agony.
Post-script: Sis Rose , thank you for tagging me.